These days I've been listening "Painted Heart" by Zhao Wei over and over again. Even though it's supposed to be a sad song, don't know why I kind of feel... good listening it to it. I like Zhao Wei's voice in this song, through which I can feel not only the loneliness of the woman in its lyrics but also that of the singer. And it, in a way, is on the same note of my feelings. Guess I'm not in a good mood? No. It's not anything close to sadness, not at all. It's just that I think I can relate myself to what is sung like the softest whispers in the wind, to the silent frustration of the woman over her love. On a positive side, this kind of feeling is, to me, supposed to be good as it proves my heart is still alive and can be softly awaken some time.
Still, I haven't been able to talk with him again after the holidays. We are now back to our initial places, almost like strangers. From time to time, just like the man in the song, he's somehow mixed into the moonlight, where I can see but never be able to reach him. Other times, I feel him very close (more physically), as if I can touch him whenever I want but my mind keeps refusing to step ahead. I like his calm, quiet manner, although I fully am aware that underneath those expressions stay many things for me to explore. It's also because of the fact that all I ever know about him are just through my friend's story, our short conversations (were they long enough to be called "conversations"?) and mostly my intuition, I wonder if I'm just blowing things out of their portion, imagining everything like a fairytale, like a viewer to an untouchable exhibit in a museum. Since it's untouchable, it becomes more beautiful than it is in my eyes. Of course, he's not a thing. He's the person I think I like. He's the one with whom I wanna talk. And by some means, he could have been touchable if either of us wasn't the silent type. But at the moment, I know for sure that he's just a moonlight in my night sky...
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