Again, my mind is being crushed trying to think about what to write in a refusal email. Refusing an invitation after such a load of questions (and emails back and forth) and answers exchanged makes me feel so guilty. Oh well, in case you're getting confused of what I'm talking about, the thing is that I've officially decided to drop the internship in Japan. Some may say it's such a wonderful opportunity to polish my CV/application for graduate study. I got that, but just in case the job is any bit relevant to the course or it lasts long enough to leave any valuable experience. After chewing all the pros and cons over for a while, I believe my parents will also side with me on my choice.
Some incidents which have happened recently during my study also helped firm up my decision. Last night, I spent some time doing a sample GRE test on Verbal and Quantity to see how far I'd gone, and the result just made me speechless and stunned - in their negative meanings. 700 for Quantity (what a GREAT result , eh? >"<) and ONLY 310 for Verbal (this subsequently turned me into a genuine idiot officially!). Holy craps! How can I manage to get in my dream school with such a shameful result like that? If I insist in pursuing the internship, I'm pretty sure you'll see me bang my head against a wall till death out of frustration, self-loathing and this blog will become a very place for moaning and crappy rambling for the rest of my life. Before doing the sample test, I'd tried writing my first statement of purpose for the course I like best, but upon seeing some of my friends' reactions after proof-reading it, I was glad I hadn't sent it to many to earn more shame for myself. If you could see the "small mountain" of books and documents I had (and planned) to read to get some ideas for new statements, I doubt you would encourage me to go anywhere away from home during this time.
P/S: To my friends, namely (in order of age) butterball, tinysun, Thao (Kitty) and Hong Anh (LC), I know how lucky I am to have you as my friends (on and off-line) and please feel free to beat me up if I ever do anything upsetting you or disgracing myself in every way (^_^)
(Muka Muka Paradise - my all-time favorite anime)