Friday, April 30, 2010

It feels so weird

Holidays and I've got a headache again, literally (@_@) Feeling like exploding.

I've been thinking too much these days but it all goes nowhere. I'm struggling so hard to shove this kind of feeling away. It's actually not bad - the feeling, I mean - but makes me feel uneasy at the same time. I hate it when my emotions begin to get out of MY control. Geezz...
[Artwork from "Basara" by Tamura Yumi - my most favorite manga ever]

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sunday, April 25, 2010


June 20 - 2 months to go
Sept 16 - 3 months to go
Nov 20 - 2 months to go

Things to prepare (quantity/estimation for each):
- SoP: 4
- Misc essays: 4
- Ref letters: 12
- Transcripts: 4
- Prof.: 8
- Emails: countless
- TOEFL: 1
- GRE: 1
- Money: lots
- Time: very little
- Ability: depends
- Probability: med-low
- Expectation: super high

--> FAQ:
- Yes, of course.
- No.

Friday, April 23, 2010


Making them leave this world all of a sudden like this? Why did you want to take them from me this way, Heaven? My dear grandpa, then my cheerful friend. Just a phone call to tell me "He's gone"? Not only once but twice. Are you kidding me? Gosh, you think my heart is made of iron? And even iron can be shaped, how could you suppose I would be tough enough to get through all this without feeling a thing, without PAIN?



What a day!

Today is our national holiday. Many people enjoyed the day to the fullest and so did I. I met my close friend who was on a business trip to my hometown and had so much fun with her. I met another close (perhaps, closest) friend later and together we watched a great movie at the cinema. We talked so much, we enjoyed everything so much and I had so a good day until I got home, had a shower, checked mails, read some pages of Harry Potter then tried to get some sleep earlier than usual, thinking that today was utterly perfect, and just when I was about to fall into my dreams, another close friend called me just to inform: "You know what, T. has died today".

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


Finally, all work done. Officially head up to study ONLY. *dancing in happiness* :")

(Found this on Soompi. Credit as labelled)

So cute, eh? :D

Thursday, April 8, 2010

It's pretty frustrating sometimes

It took me weeks to investigate more than 50 school websites in order to short list some suitable ones. A friend of mine once advised that I should simultaneously apply to several schools - by which she meant all "low ranked - med ranked - high ranked" ones - to higher my matriculation probability but it's kinda funny (or pity) that my desired program nearly fall into prestige schools only. What a nice choice I made, eh? (T_T) Mom said I might look around in some small schools to see if they provided the same program, but for God's sake, she should have remembered where she studied it. I also considered choosing a different program but then found it so hard to write a proper statement of purpose, proving what I'd done and would do with it. In short, my mind simply went blank if I got out of track - which is equal to "choosing a path which leads me to where-I-don't-know", instead of firmly sticking to ONE decision as usual. 

The hurdle is much more difficult this time. I wouldn't compete with a few thousand people in this small country, I would have to compete with the world. It's big, it's magnificent, it's enchanting, but it's cruel and always willing to slap me on the face. But again, just as the highschool days, I have no vision of any failure 'cos I don't ever think of it.  Still, however, I'm afraid. I really am very scared. I'm not scared of being failed, but of myself, instead, afraid that I can't overcome my own bad habits and negative character traits. I don't mean to wait for the apples to fall in my lap but if I try hard enough this time, will I be blessed again?

[So adorable, eh? *^_^* -]