I think I love "it" more than I thought - Day 1

"It" refers to Saigon, a place I used to love so much, and also hate no less. During the last 3-day trip, I met quite a lot of people, some are my former classmates, some are my online-turn-offline friends, some I'd known for many years, some I'd just met a few times, and others gave me a chance to see them for the very first time since we'd got to know each other. All of them left me such nice memories that I wish I could have extended the trip for a couple days.

I arrived at Saigon at about 7:15AM, feeling so excited, but unfortunately, my friend forgot to pick me up so I had to wait about half a hour before taking a taxi to my friend's home. She'd been waiting for me and when we met, she was still as beautiful and hospitable as usual. We talked for a while before she drove me to a coffee shop in the city's center where I met an online friend.

It was a little but very nice coffee shop decorated with lots of flowers. I felt so guilty when I knew that she'd been waiting for me for nearly one hour and a half (T_T) She looked younger than I'd thought, and her personality was much brighter than what she'd shown in my blog the other day. We're both from DN, but she's been living in SG for many years while I chose to come back home after 4 years and a half experiencing a lonely life there. We talked a lot and then she treated me lunch. I felt so honored to get to know about her and I believe I've been such a lucky girl to have opportunities to make friends with people like her. She's sweet, lovely but strong and tough as well. That we both worked in banking made it even easier for us to share our thoughts with each other. She said she was planning to come back to DN in fall and I'm really looking forward to seeing her again in our own hometown.

After lunch, she drove me to an ice-cream shop as I had an appointment with another online friend of mine there. I usually called her Ka. She treated me ice-cream made by her boss (and it tasted sooooooooo good!), then we talked for about 2 hours until she finished her shift and drove me to my friend's home so that I could prepare for a wedding in the evening. Sometimes I feel that Ka is a little bit weird, but it's hard to explain why I like her that much. Maybe it's because of her straightforwardness and sincerity, as well as her oddness ^^

After taking a nap, my friend's boyfriend drove us to the wedding of our classmate. The bride looked so pretty and utterly happy. I felt deeply happy for her as she'd found a great man for her life after so much heartbreak. It was also the most enjoyable wedding I'd ever attended so far. There I had a chance to meet my former college classmates. They all looked really beautiful and had become rather successful boys and girls. I used to hate my school a lot but after all, it was where I was able to meet many wonderful and excellent people who taught me how to try my best and to be humble in life.

We left the wedding at 9:30PM, and I spent one more hour in a karaoke room to listen to my friends' singing. My friend and I reached home at about 11PM and we both felt exhausted after a weekend with lots of activities. I chatted with my Sousuke on Y!M for several minutes before going to bed. To me, a day would be incomplete without hearing his voice or talking with him even just a few words. Sometimes he might make me get raving mad 'cos of silly stuff, but after all, he's still my dose of tranquillizer :)

Just venting some spleen out

I've been reading lots of Chinese romance novels recently. It's sorta like comforting myself.

The worst thing is that I've always had to try my best to calm myself down each time my grandma and other relatives of mine whisper about my employment status behind my back recently. Sometimes they even make me feel that I am being insulted. I swear at the so-called face to which they hold on to live. I swear at their ignorance, at their selfishness, at their greediness. And has anyone told them that they've been being unconsciously heartless to me?

Too much work is wearing me out. Ironically, those who have been helping me a lot are neither my parents nor any blood-related persons but my Sousuke, my lovely staffs and my friends. Strangely enough, it seems I wasn't born to live with my current family in harmony. No matter how hard I try, they seem to have forgotten how to listen and get what I really want for my life. Yah yah, I know that this is not new anymore, that it can't be any more boring, bla bla... But can you tell me how I can fix things up? I'm already in complete frustration now.

*sighs* Hope miracles will happen soon. And, well, I miss you, my Sousuke. Wish you could hold me right now. I really need a big warm hug.

I'm back ^^

I've been a very looooooong time since I last wrote anything in here. Thank God that it's not completely forgotten. Someone (well, my lovely Butterball, actually :P) reminded me of my writings a few days ago and I think she meant this place of mine. I've got 3 official blogs in total, two in English and one in Vietnamese. 2 for rambling and 1 for my short (and absurd) "short stories". And I think it's time I brought this one back.

Actually before writing this entry, I've deleted a couple old ones which I suppose shouldn't be kept. They were things I'd better forget, and I don't want anybody else to know them, either. You won't blame me, will you? *kidding* ^^

Sometimes I feel it kinda more comfortable expressing my thoughts in English than doing it in Vietnamese, and that's why I still have the habit of writing all my personal documents in English at work. By the way, for your update, I've been doing quite good with my life these days and my current job as a teacher is going pretty well. It provides me with a lot of time for leisure activities, but still helps me earn enough money to have some savings. Of course there are still obstacles, but challenges always make things more interesting, don't they? ^^ To a certain extent, I think I'm sorta pleased with my life now and what I need now is just a little bit more time and strength to make my dreams come true :)

Anyway, I'm back. And welcome back to my little room, my dear friends! *hearts*

Thank you

... for your appearance in my life
... for letting me know that I'm still alive
... for giving me endless thoughts about someone
... for teaching me what it is to trust again
... for taking me to this world again
... for all the nice memories we had together
... for the stories you shared with me each day
... for all you've done for me
... for the faster beats of my heart each time I see you
... for the fragrant I wouldn't forget
... for all the ups and downs in my heart that you never know
... for all the laughter you gave me
... for your kindness which I found so strange
... for your promises and I know you would keep them all
... for giving me vivid dreams about an unknown future of us two
... for sharing with me some of the happiest days of my life so far
... and for giving me courage to give you up

I was really happy those days, you know.

Life is funny, sometimes

It feels kinda strange after a while not particularly liking anybody - oh, well, any guys, actually. The last time I found myself in a relationship was more than 3 years ago. It's not so long but because of all the pain it left me, I've almost forgot what it feels like when you're interested in someone enough to let him get through your shield. Because of that, my heart has become a locked closet which can hardly be opened again. Because of that, I've always supposed that nobody - ok, no guys - would care about me again. And because of all that, now I find it really strange and a little confusing when I've got a feeling that somebody is being interested in me in a special way.

That would be no problem if he has seen more of myself than just a cheerful, witty girl who can make anybody laugh out loud if she feels like it. I know it's nothing bad for a good first impression to expand my network or to help my business go smoothly, and I'm not meaning I purposely use it to take any advantages also. But you know, for a more personal relationship, I'm afraid that such presumption can lead to something, er, worse than any of us can expect once we get to know more about each other rather than just superficial things at first sight. I am, therefore, totally unsure whether he can stand the dark side of me as well as he's done the bright or not if I let him go any further.

According to a comical story about blood types, sometimes it's difficult to understand what A-type people are thinking, and I believe I'm not an exception. Many friends of mine said that my reactions to things, especially to bad stuff or people, were often unpredictable. My mood can swing like the line on a sine graph from time to time and in my experience, it needs extraordinary amounts of patience, magnanimity as well as understanding to accept me as who I really am. And also in my experience, very very few guys could do that since I was born (T_T) - my dad, my little brother and my closest boy friend are the best and bravest ones at this so far, I think.

Of course I utterly am happy to enjoy this kind of feeling that somebody is having about me. But that doesn't mean I'm ready to step out my locked closet at the moment. Still, I am so much afraid of having to get back to it if things go wrong again.